So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
