i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
