Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
