Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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