Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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