I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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