hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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