I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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