I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
