I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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