So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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