my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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