Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
