I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
