I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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