i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
