K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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