This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
