hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
