So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
