Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize