I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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