You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize