K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
