i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
