gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
