is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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