he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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