we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
