Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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