I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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