after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
