You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
