I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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