And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize