There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
