just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You are a genius and a whore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
