We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
