and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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