Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
