i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
