He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
