Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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