There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
