when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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