What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
