This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
