I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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