I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
that may or may not have been my penis.
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