you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
