Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A+ Viking dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize