What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize