As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
