I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
