I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
