We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
