You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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