Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
