after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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