ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
