Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize