he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize