just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
