Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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