we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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