i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
