i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
