i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
